Loving Others Well
“The one who chooses to love will find appropriate ways to express that decision every day.” – Gary Chapman.
Do you think that you love others well? Do you love people how they want to be loved or do you show them love based on how you feel and accept love? Have you even thought about how you love others?
Still wondering? Here are a few examples of love: Do you give compliments to people as a show of your love for them? Do you affirm their actions, saying, “I’m proud of you!” and make sure that you speak words of love to them? Or do you tend to give hugs and want PDA from your spouse, so you feel loved? Do you feel most loved by little gifts like a feather or stone found on a summer day? Or are little gestures what floats your boat? One of my favorite ways to be loved is for someone to take out the trash without being asked or prodded? and help others in need to demonstrate love toward them? These examples of showing love connect with some more than others. Now, if you’re intrigued, read on…
You may be presuming or assuming that the person you are “loving” receives what you are putting out as “love” and that they feel loved. If you don’t know your partners love language, you may be that you are sending the wrong signals to them or speaking a language they don’t understand or receive as love. The act of taking out the recycling is a nice gesture, but to someone who needs affection, they feel starved for a hug and don’t even see that you took the recycling out in a snowstorm as an act of love. They may not even acknowledge the act, which makes the person who provided the service feel unloved, ignored, and mistreated. How dare they not even notice I took out the recycling when it was zero degrees and snow up to my knees! The way we express love and the way we receive love is dependent on our own unique make-up and may not speak to those you love. “The one who chooses to love will find appropriate ways to express that decision every day.” – Gary Chapman.
Gary Chapman the author of 5 love languages has been married for over 50 years; and is also a pastor, author and speaker. His book that has been translated into 50 languages and sold more than 12 million copies worldwide, outlines the five love languages as: Words of affirmation, Acts of service, Receiving gifts, Quality time and Physical touch. Gary stated; “Taking the time to learn and really understand your partner’s primary love language, which is often different from our own, can improve communication and strengthen your bond.”
Check out this video, that shows how we speak often can speak different love languages.
Here are a few ways that you can say I love you to someone who needs word of affirmation:
· Thank them for cooking a tasty meal
· Congratulate them for achieving a workout goal
· Leave an encouraging note when they have a big presentation at work
· Remind them how capable they are when they doubt themselves
· Compliment their outfit, hair, or something else about their appearance
· Hide a card with a loving message in their suitcase when they’re going on a trip
· Send them a text just to say you were thinking of them
Those that prefer undivided attention or quality time will also be interested in:
· Have coffee together before work
· After work, set aside 10 minutes to catch up — no phones allowed
· Plan a date night, just you two no distractions
· Always maintain eye contact when you’re having a conversation
· Take a walk together
· Go to bed at the same time, if possible
· Plan a staycation
Those that love thoughtful gifts and the effort put into a gift also love surprises. Other ways to love them well are:
· Present them with a leaf, stone or feather that you found on hike or walk
· Check out their Pinterest page and purchase an item they’ve pinned
· Order their favorite childhood candy or snack ― bonus points if it’s a regional treat or something that has since been discontinued
· Keep a note in your phone of specific things they mention wanting or needing so you have a list of gift ideas for birthdays, anniversaries, holidays or just because
People that prefer an act of service to feel loved and appreciated are satisfied by someone doing anything to ease the burden of responsibility they feel. Other ways they may feel oved are:
· Take out the garbage and recycling without being asked
· Pick up their dry cleaning or run errands for them
· Fill up their gas tank and wash their car
· Do their laundry and fold it
· Pack their lunch or make them dinner
The last love language per Gary Chapman is physical touch. When someone speaks this love language they thrive on any type of physical touch. Kissing, hugging, being close and touching and hand holding are examples. Other ways to make someone who needs physical touch to feel loved are:
· Cuddle while you’re watching TV
· Always kiss hello and goodbye
· Rub their neck after a long day or offer a foot massage
· Lock arms waiting in line
· Touch toes while you’re lying-in bed
· Hold hands on a walk
Check out this great video from Newboys United, Love One Another
For more on the five love languages, head over to Gary Chapmans site.
The Five Love Languages Defined (reposted from a blog post on Gary’s site)
l. Words of affirmation – using words to build up the other person. “Thanks for
taking out the garbage.” Not – “It’s about time you took the garbage out. The
flies were going to carry it out for you.”
2. Gifts – a gift says, “He was thinking about me. Look what he got for me.”
3. Acts of Service – Doing something for your spouse that you know they would
like. Cooking a meal, washing dishes, vacuuming floors, are all acts of service.
4. Quality time – by which I mean, giving your spouse your undivided attention.
Taking a walk together or sitting on the couch with the TV off – talking and
listening.
5. Physical touch – holding hands, hugging, kissing, sexual intercourse, are all
expressions of love.