"Don't overlook the basics. Don't ignore the foundation. How long can a tree remain standing without the roots?"

There are basic needs we all have.  Maslow’s hierarchy of needs is familiar to many of you.  The basic needs we have must be met to raise higher on this graphic, but with joy, we can have this at any level.  Joy is not dependent on circumstances or what happens externally to us.  I’ve seen it in the lives and faces of people in third world countries who by American standards “have little to nothing”.  They are content, despite their basic needs not being met.  They have tight families, villages, and community support.  They relate to others and live a rich life without loneliness, isolation, and have many levels of support of all ages.

There are also foundational behaviors, and habits we should have for a healthy life.  This post is about how you can have joy from social connection which creates well-being.  We are meant for connection; a man and a woman in marriage, children in a family (biological, adopted, fostered or bonus; neighbors living near and extended family.  Co-workers, peers, small group friends, and those we volunteer or serve with.  Nobody is an island.  Everyone has experienced a connection that is off with others, you can feel lonely, isolated and like something is missing.  Even the introvert needs social connections.  You are seeking acceptance, love, human kindness as well as contentment and joy that flow from within.

In the book, The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman, you can learn how to communicate better with those around you.  There are versions for teens, military, children, singles and more!  Many workplaces have different personality quizzes you may have taken, which help you know your underlying needs.  When those around us are not speaking a language we understand, you can feel lonely in a crowd. 

Do you know how your co-workers feel appreciated? Loved and cared for?  Does your family?  Friends? Do you know your languages?  These are fun to take and can really be a key to better connections.

Here are some fun links to assess your connection languages.

• Click this link to take the love languages quiz! 

• What’s your apology language?

• How well do you manage your anger?

• Do you feel appreciated at work? Discover your appreciation language.

The ultimate connection this time of year should be with your Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.  If you feel alone, your heart is empty or you feel guilt that seems overwhelming, there is hope.  Jesus, the Son of God is the HOPE that came to this world.  Do you know the source of ultimate connection and hope?  If not, I invite you to make Jesus not only your Savior but give up control of your life and hand it to Jesus.  He is the author and perfector of your faith.  Repent of your sin, ask for Him to come into your heart, and to change your mind to one that follows Him. 

And of course, there’s an app called Love Nudge which claims to be a personal assistant with relationships and connection based on the 5 Love Languages!  Click on the link to check it out!  It’s free and you can link it with others! There are also podcasts you can listen to by Dr. Gary Chapman and a 1-minute love language recalibration of the day.

I hope these tips and links help you with your Social Well-Being and the 4th foundational behavior for your health of connection.  When your connections are good, and you effectively cope with stress, you don’t eat your feelings. (the five foundational habits are:  Food (and water); Movement, Stress Management, Connection, and Sleep).

If you’d like to read more about hugs and the science of hugs, visit my blog post Hugs.  New easy to read blogs drop every Monday!  Check out the library of blogs on all things well-being!  Set it as a favorite so that when you need a quick read to motivate, encourage or challenge your thoughts, it’s one click away.

Here’s a little more help on cultivating the joy of connection if you are feeling lonely.

By paying attention to the ever-present potential for care, kindness, and trust, you can kindle the warmth of connection—with yourselves and with all to whom you extend your love. As mindfulness teacher Elisha Goldstein writes, “Mindfulness helps us to wake up to the ‘choice points’ in our relationships when you can decide to connect a bit more by listening, communicating, and allowing your hearts to open.” Ultimately, you can know you are inherently connected not only to our dearest ones, but to all other beings, no matter the distance. Here are three ways to celebrate connection.

1.      Take time to connect with yourself. One of the gifts of mindfulness meditation is that touching in with yourselves will nurture your capacity to enjoy fulfilling relationships with others, too. Follow this guided practice from Barry Boyce for connecting to yourself and to the peace available in this moment.

2.      Show your loved ones that you care by really listening (whether in-person or virtually). Deep, mindful listening involves paying attention without judgment to the person who’s speaking to you, while holding the intention to remain genuinely curious and caring about what they are saying, writes David Rome. Open your ears, as well as your heart, with this five-step mindful listening practice.

3.      Widen your circle of care to encompass more people. “We are all interconnected. This is the truth of how things are,” says Sharon Salzberg. She guides us in this gentle practice of loving-kindness, helping us to expand our compassion to include more of the people in our lives.

With the winter season here, you can crave the coziness of family traditions, gatherings with friends, and spending time at home with those you’re closest to. Remember that while you may feel lonely at times, none of us is going through this life alone.

You are loved by Your Creator.  If you would like to talk and share your story, I’d love to hear it!  Merry Christmas!

Janelle