Are you a more of a winter or it’s going to be spring soon person? Groundhog Day according to Wikipedia “is popular North American tradition observed in the United States and Canada on February 2nd.  It derives from the Pennsylvania Dutch superstition that when a groundhog emerges from its burrow on this day and sees its shadow due to clear weather, it will retreat to its den and winter will persist for six more weeks; but if it does not see its shadow because of cloudiness, spring will arrive early.”

The first reported news of a Groundhog Day observance was arguably made by the Punxsutawney Spirit newspaper in Pennsylvania 1886.  “Up to the time of going to press, the beast has not seen its shadow" the article stated. However, it was not until the following year in 1887 that the first Groundhog Day considered "official" and was commemorated with a group making a trip to the Gobbler's Knob part of town to consult the groundhog. People have gathered annually at the spot for the event ever since.  The legend is so famous that the 1993 movie Groundhog Day centered around this sleepy town.  Two reporters relive the day, until Bill Murray gets it “right” and Ali McDowell falls in love with him. Nearly 40,000 people gather to celebrate this event which causes the town to grow 8 times its normal size.  Prior to the movie about 2,000 people gathered to celebrate.

The history of Groundhog Day is fascinating and so is the movie, but do you wish you had a mythical day like this that you could relive so that you could get every aspect of your relationship just right?  Or have that elusive person fall in love with you because you finally were able to say just the right thing?  I really hope not. Life and real love is not a series of do-overs where one person manipulates the other to get their way.  There are lessons that this movie can teach us that apply to our intimate relationships and those we have as leaders at work and at home.

I ran across a fun article written by Julie Benesh, PhD, MFA who is an Organizational Consultant, Higher Education Leader/Professor, Technical and Creative Writer and Editor.  She is so quirky that she wrote her dissertation on the romantic fantasy movie and her observations!   Anyway, the article is great, and I wanted to share her wisdom and insight.  The article focuses on leadership lessons or relationship lessons from Punxsutawney Phil.   We can learn to be people who, unlike Bill Murray’s character always got what he wanted; to be people who pay attention to our environment, the people around us and simply act nice, listen and be present and don’t let the end justify the means to getting what we want.

Here are Julies lessons from Groundhog Day.

Be nice. Nice means not merely polite but kind, interested, engaged, helpful and vulnerable. Phil got Rita by being nice, not just being nice to his object of desire but nice to everyone who crossed his path. This included extending himself (task) and exposing his feelings (relationship). Yeah, he lost it near at the end with the kid he kept catching from the tree who never thanked him, but that's part of being human.

Do your best, starting with being present. Your best may be different at different times, and at different tasks and in different situations, but it begins with presence and you always know when you are doing it. (If you don’t, you need to start paying more attention.) Think about Phil Connors phoning in the first report on Punxsutawney Phil versus the poetic one that quoted Chekhov. Same task, very different quality of presence with different effects on the viewers. ("You touched me, man!") "Presence" is not about attracting attention to oneself, as some seem to think, but about being present and PAYING attention.

Do what the unique situation requires. Speaking of presence, don’t settle for calculated efficiency at work and mindless indulgence at home. Every situation requires our deliberate and attentive engagement in some combination of discipline and warmth. Co-workers have feelings, much like your friends and family; stuff has to get accomplished in one’s personal life, much like at work; there is such a thing as "interpersonal competence." Phil worked hard to learn to play the piano and speak French for the sake of a relationship, not to get ahead at work. And, conversely, as noted above, Phil’s excellence at work impacted his coworkers emotionally. Relationships are work and work is a network of relationships--don't artificially compartmentalize those two domains.

Don't assume the end justifies the means. When it comes to relationships, the means is the end. If you act otherwise you may deserve to be slapped, as Phil was many times. Work may be more goal-oriented, but if you take that to an extreme…Enron. There are times to be single-mindedly goal-oriented and times to be more accepting and receptive; cultivate the wisdom to tell how much of each is needed. If something is just not meant to be, as when Phil tried over and over to save the homeless man's life, all your efforts will not lead to the end you want. That's part of life: honor your effort, accept the loss, learn what you can, and move on with greater wisdom, compassion, and maturity, as Phil did when he stopped pursuing Rita and simply did his best to create mutually satisfying experiences with her.

Learn from feedback. Speaking of learning, never give up, (even suicide doesn’t help Phil) but don’t persist in a losing strategy—if you feel stuck and can’t "leave Punxsutawney" (whatever that means for you), you can always take the opportunity to “develop in place” and learn new skills. Try being 5% nicer, more present, more experimental, and more accepting of what you can't change and see what happens. Not all feedback occurs in a formal performance evaluation; the environment is a steady source if we pay attention. Our ability to attain both transformation and fulfillment is developed through iterative experimentation and practice. As we allow our world to develop us to meet its challenges, we also help develop our world as a place where we all can achieve and be nurtured and sustained together. ("Let's live here!")

Finally, remember that others are watching and learning from your example as a leader, just as we have watched and learned from Phil.