Why is gratitude sometimes challenging? Practicing gratitude comes with its difficulties. In a culture that directs you toward self-sufficiency, self-love above doing what is right in God’s eyes, entitlement, and the fact that life isn’t’ always perfect because of sin, it's a struggle sometimes to see our blessings and gifts.

Another reason you may not feel it is that your days are spent comparing yourself to others (you are if you are on social media to some degree unless you are so well adjusted and have tight boundaries on your scrolling.) Have you ever said, “If I just were more like him or her, if I had this or that clothes, car, or job. If my family wasn’t so…or if my family was more like…” Have you gone down the excuse and victim road verses taking stock of what you have control of and what you can work on within yourself or what you currently have? God can turn anything that was meant for evil for His good. If you surrender to His Will, admit your part in it (your sin - comparison, envy, jealousy, bitterness, greed or pride) and believe that you can get of your own way.

It is helpful to recognize your own barriers to practicing gratitude and plan around those challenges. Here are a few common challenges you can have when it comes to gratitude.

What gets in the way of practicing thankfulness in your daily life?

According to gratitude researcher Robert Emmons, the number one thing that gets in our way of expressing gratitude is our own self-ego. Research shows that individuals who fail to express their thankfulness are likely to have increased feelings of self-importance, arrogance and need for approval. This sense of entitlement, pushes us to think, “I deserve this.” The media and popular culture even plays to the ego saying you deserve it, you’re worth it, I want it all! It’s in ads - on your phone or billboards, in photography or print media in social media and many songs.

Unfortunately, entitlement blocks us from appreciating life’s gifts. To practice gratitude is to practice humility. Individuals who are more self-focused feel more indebtedness than gratitude at receiving gifts. We often refer to these people as “brats”, they expect the world, and they never get it all, so they are never content or happy. They are negative and self-seeking people.

Studies show that gratitude is negatively linked to materialism and envy. Because materialism and envy focus on what we lack, this could be the reason why it's difficult to feel thankful (or notice our gifts and abundance).  What do you think would happen if you focused on all you had? I have traveled to a few third world countries and gone out into the areas away from the tourist ones…where the real poverty and lack exists. There is still happiness, joy, contentment and gratitude, despite the lack and third world status they live in. They can feel it, they are focusing on what they have, verses what they lack.

“I know I should be grateful, but I don’t feel that way.”

Psychologists and scientists have named the “knowledge to performance gap” as the difference between knowing you must do something and doing it. How many times have you experienced this during your well-being journey? I know I should eat healthy but you choose the fries. I know I should save money but you buy the $7 coffee. I know I should do my Bible study, but your phone dings or vibrates and you are distracted by the shiny things.

The same issue applies to gratitude: We should practice gratitude, but we often fail to do so.

For review, here are a few things that gratitude is…

• Gratitude acknowledges the good in one’s life and recognizes the source of this good outside of oneself.

• At the root of gratitude is “undeserved merit,” meaning benefiting from someone’s unwarranted kindness.

• Gratitude is an ancient concept with roots in faith, wisdom, and civic traditions.

• Gratitude is not dependent on genetics; it can be developed and practiced.

• A strong gratitude disposition or outlook is dependent on intensity, frequency, span, and density.

• Gratitude can be challenging and requires practicing humility.

• As a positive emotion, gratitude broadens our perspectives and builds resources. Gratitude builds on gratitude.

• Research shows practicing thankfulness supports mental, emotional, physical, relational, occupational, financial, and spiritual wellbeing.

So, how can you practice gratitude you ask? Here are a few action items that might help you get started.

1.      Spark your curiosity and read a book about the impact of gratitude. I recommend Thanks! How Practicing Gratitude Can Make You Happier and Gratitude Works! A 21-Day Program for Creating Emotional Prosperity by Robert Emmons.

2.      Gratitude is acknowledging and recognizing. Think about people who have helped you recently. Reflect on what their kindness cost them (e.g., hours of time, money, resources). This can help build gratitude and thankfulness.

3.      Gratitude signals can help build the habit of thankfulness. Find a signal that will remind you to say, "Thanks!" Maybe it is stopping at red lights or brushing your teeth. Small, daily signals like this can help build the habit.

Cultivating Gratitude: Interactive Activities

One of the best ways to cultivate and grow gratitude is through daily practice. Remember, you can grow gratitude through intentional choice. And over time, gratitude supports a stronger positive orientation toward life.

An easy way to develop gratitude is to remember the Raising Grateful Children study’s four steps: Notice, Think, Feel, Do.  

1. Notice what in your life you can be thankful for

2. Think about why you have been given those things

3. Feel the emotion this gift brings on

4. Do something to express your appreciation of the gift

   
   
   Here are a few activities to cultivate HOPE in the soil of gratitude.

1. Keep a Gratitude Journal

One of the most studied gratitude practices is keeping a daily journal. It can be as simple as a notebook by your bed at night or electronically on your phone or computer. Whatever the case may be, writing each day expands our awareness of good things in life, big or small. The key thing to do is NOTICE and WRITE!

In one study on gratitude journaling, individuals who did it were 25% happier on average than those who wrote about “hassles” or negative things in their lives. They also reported feeling more optimistic about their future. Those who journaled also reported fewer health problems, spending 30% more time exercising than individuals who focused on negative events.

Individuals who practiced daily gratitude felt more interested and enthusiastic, while also reporting offering others help and support with emotional problems (Emmons & McCullough, 2003). Gratitude journaling is helpful to build compassion!

Find a notebook or blank journal to write down moments of gratitude. Journaling can sometimes feel daunting, especially if you’re new to the practice. Start small, maybe 5-10 minutes a day. Writing about gratitude each day can support wellbeing as you cultivate the soil of HOPE and build the habit of seeing the world through new eyes of gratitude.

To build this habit, it's important to remember the Three “S’s”: specificity, surprise and scarcity.

Specificity: Be specific, rather than general.

For example, you might feel gratitude towards your neighbor for all the time and effort he spent helping you mow the lawn.

You could write “I am thankful for my neighbor” or “I am thankful for my neighbor who spent almost 10 hours with me in the yard, especially when they could have spent their Saturday watching football.”

Surprise: Write about the things that surprise you. You are more grateful for gifts that are unexpected, rather than ones you expect to receive. For example, you might expect that after a long day at work, you will need to cook dinner for our family. But surprise! The kids, your husband or wife or maybe a neighbor, took care of it by preparing a hot meal. Your gratitude for this moment would be one to include in your journal.

In fact, researchers have found that when you focus on positive events in our lives and think about how things might have been different had these events not happened, you benefit emotionally.

For example, you might focus on what would have happened had you NOT met your significant other, or perhaps you want to focus on the absence of your promotion at work. This method is sometimes called “mentally subtracting,” and can help us feel surprise at these moments and not take them for granted.

Scarcity: Studies show that when you’re told that a positive event is about to end, you are more likely to appreciate the experience.

We feel grateful when scarcity sets in. Think about the last time you had a few days off from work. You might appreciate the last few days or hours if you were to think about the limited time you have left.

2. Write (and Deliver) a Gratitude Letter

Another well-researched gratitude activity is Writing a Gratitude Letter.  As gratitude researcher, Dr. Robert Emmons notes, "One of the most effective ways to deepen your own gratefulness is to write a letter of gratitude to an important person in your life whom you've never properly taken the time to thank and then visit that person to present [them] with the letter" (Gratitude Works! Pg. 50)

Expressing gratitude is a crucial component. According to Abraham Maslow, renowned psychologist, and researcher, you can feel distress if you’re not able to thank someone for their unmerited gift. It's important to recognize the benefactors in our lives. Praise God for HIs unmerited favor and the gift of eternal life. It’s there for you if you want it.

Studies show that when you write gratitude letters to important people in our lives you have never thanked and, if possible, visit them to read the letter of thanks, it can enhance positive emotions and decrease symptoms of depression. Even if you’re unable to visit the person, you can still send letters via mail, text, or email.

3. Practice Three Good Things to get rid of burnout

"Three good things" is a classic gratitude exercise where participants are asked to write down three good things from their day, whether big or small. Practicing gratitude regularly has been shown to increase positive emotions and improve well-being. “

Watch this video from J. Bryan Sexton, PhD, is a psychologist member of the Department of Psychiatry at Duke University. His research into assessing and improving workforce wellbeing and safety culture is used in over 30 countries It will help you learn about the practice of 3 good things. Barbara Fredrickson says, “The negative screams at us, but the positive only whispers”. This is what happens when people are burned out, they only see the negative cause it is screaming at them.

Want to quiet to noise? Slow down and yes, smell the roses… if you cannot see any roses, be grateful for your sight, that you can breathe and that you have some HOPE!

Let me know if one of the ideas - a gratitude journal, letter of gratitude or the practice of 3 good things helps you feel it and see the world with positivity and new lenses!