How to balance? I’m not sure there is a perfect solution, and I know for a fact that there’s not a one-size-fits-all action for us to take. Balance looks different to each person, just like the different ways rocks are balanced in this blog post.

What I do know is that when I focus on taking care of myself and strive toward good health, I’m able to focus on and enjoy my family in a much better way. Then I’m able to look outward to the needs of others and love people as I hear God calling and leading.

For me, that’s where it’s at. I take care of myself so I can enjoy, love, and care for others.

I’ve found out and there’s research to back this up, that when we build in daily habits that give us joy, keep us healthy and fill us with positivity we will have more balance going into a day.  More ready for whatever it brings. 

These habits are skills that we all can grow.  They are sometimes called effective ways to cope, positive actions or resilience tools.  Each blog in April has focused on these skills in some way.  I started with the importance of taking microbreaks on April 4th, followed by effective coping skills on April 11th.  On April 18th, I gave you three methods to elicit calm: Progressive Muscle Relaxation (PMR), square breathings and a body scan.  These methods can all be utilized before you start the day as daily habits, or like microbreaks used throughout the day to return to a state of calm, being mindful and not just going through the motions and to be a thermometer of your emotions, not merely a thermometer that measures only and then blows when the heat gets to hot!

There are many more habits than I can list.  And we each need different things to gain, regain and maintain our balance.  A biggie to remember is, yes, we can have it all – but not at one time.  Life has seasons and sometimes we need to be present in the current situation and remind ourselves it will pass.  A new season brings new joys and turmoil.  The point of balance is enjoying each season and the journey it takes you on.

Other habits that can be used to maintain balance are hobbies.  When we take time to do the things that bring us joy, not necessarily daily, we feel as if we have more balance. Maybe that’s photography, taking a hike, building things, gardening, time in a hammock or the workshop.  A painting class with friends, or a golf game with buddies.  Life needs to include time to just be, do things we enjoy and that build up our energy levels so that we can face work, family trials, tragedies, and other bombshells.

Here’s a practical exercise that you can do.  Get a piece of paper and draw a line down the center.  On the top put Gives Me Energy and on the other side Sucks My Energy.  List everything you can think of on both sides.  Include what you need to do in life and what you want to do.  Then, work on balancing the wants and the needs.  Think about boundaries, time management and delegation of tasks.  If you feel you are running with kids too much, cut back on the number of after school activities they can do, after all that’s how THEY will Learn BALANCE.  Cater to them and you will be catering your entire life, teaching them a life of entitlement and being able to do what they want at others expense.  This is not healthy.  Parents are people too.  Your kids are capable of helping out and doing work to give you time to relax and be you! Create chore lists for responsibility and a sense of accomplishment and pride to grow in your children or grandchildren.  Kids as young as 3 can do chores.  Yes, 3. 

Children need to learn as they grow what they are capable of to gain self-confidence, the ability to take care of themselves (autonomy), effectively problem solve, and contribute to the family unit and society.  

Do you want another everybody gets a trophy kid around?  I sure don’t.  It’s time to parent and not friend, unless you want that friend in your basement when he/she is 35 with anxiety because they never had to face hard things, the inability to care about others because they were spoiled as children and unable to be responsible and keep a job because they never learned how to earn anything, work for something and developed patience. Yes, brats, entitled, discontented monsters - that your lawn mover parenting created. Wake up, do your kids and yourself a favor (as well as society) and stop rescuing children from learning life’s lessons the hard way and being the gift of confidence and life skills. After all, didn’t we all learn the hard way? make mistakes and then learn and grow from them? Parents, grandparents…it is better to teach children how to get up again when they are young, than remove every learning lesson from their path and feel helpless, incapable, and full of anxiety when an issue arises in their lives.

If you’re beyond kids at home, maybe it’s boundaries with your kids and grandkids, or at work.  It’s okay to say NO.  You don’t need to explain yourself, just state, I have an appointment, I will not be able to ______ and say late.   As they say, there’s no U-Haul attached to the hearse.   At that point the only thing you take with you is your character, nothing else.

So, if you feel out of balance, I encourage you to make that list.  Start prioritizing the needs and make time for the wants.  If 5 hours of TV and death scrolling robs you of time for the things that bring you joy and energize you, it’s time to reduce the wasted time and fill it with what truly brings you joy, replenishes your soul, and brings you balance in your life.